Monday, April 12, 2010

On mothering

It's hard.
Not the crazy-busy-exhausted-everybody needs me for something hard.
Although that's hard too.
But, most of the time, I feel like I can do that.
I can take care of them and I can love them.
I can do that.

But they're growing up.
And the real parenting begins.
I have to actually teach them things.
Important things.
And sometimes I think, "What made me think I could do this???"

Noah is 6.

He goes to Kindergarten everyday.
He is smart, curious, inquisitive and he has chosen good friends.
I'm proud of him.
But I can't protect him from everything anymore.
As a mother, you want to save them from every difficult situation - nervousness, embarrassment, hurt feelings, self-doubt, discouragement.
But sometimes you have to watch them struggle - even if it's just with a forward roll in gymnastics class.
Which, after a week of practicing at home, Noah has now mastered : )
He's now perfecting his backward roll and working on front flips.
Way to go Noah!

Alex is 4

She's our wild child.
And she's got spunk (ahem, attitude).
When I told her I was sick of the way she was acting she responded that she was sick of me.
When Paul told her to go to time-out she told him to go to time-out.
When she wouldn't obey me the other day I asked her who was in charge. She said, "ME. I'm 14!" I almost believed her.
4 going on 14.
But she makes up for it.
While working on a fun project together last week she said, "You're not a mean mommy, after all!"
Maybe not the best example but it made me laugh.
She makes everybody laugh.
Yesterday while riding her bike she was yelling out, "Yee-haw! Ride'em bulls! I'm from Texas!"
Seriously, I don't know where she comes up with this stuff, but we love it.
And if you ask her, Alex will tell you she's a "lover."
Loving people is one of her special gifts.
She's constantly telling you how much she loves you (infinity, binity, trinity is the latest phrase), smothering you with kisses, squeezing you tight and snuggling.
You're a sweetie Alex!

Avery is almost 6 months

And a serious mamma's girl.
I've honestly never seen anything like it
And I swear she just came out that way.
When she was born and they laid her on my chest she stared up at me with her big round eyes. Just stared right into mine for the longest time.
In the hospital, when she would lay in her bassinet, she would turn her head and look at me some more.
And then we came home. She was fussy as a newborn and (my mother will testify to this) could only be soothed by me.
Almost 6 months later and all Avery wants is to be held by her mamma.
Not so convenient when I'm trying to get things done.
But...secretly...I kind of like it.
I am her favorite person in the whole wide world.
Every time I look at her, her face lights up and she breaks into a smile.
When she sees me from across the room her arms and legs start pumping a hundred miles an hour.
It's nice to be so loved and needed - especially as Noah gets more and more independent and Alex acts more and more like a teenager : )

3 kids.
All very different.
And very strong.
I may not always know what I'm doing.
I may be scared and overwhelmed by the responsibility on my shoulders.
But oh my goodness I'm glad these kids are mine.


Shellie said...

Oh Sum you always say things so perfectly! And you have SUCH cute kids!!

John said...

If Alex is talking to you like that already, she will give you a run for your money when she hits the teen years. I for one will be watching with laughter. Love and miss you all.

Faye said...

You are such a great writer - it's hard to sum up all those complicated feelings of motherhood into words - but you did it. It made me miss the kids like crazy though!

Lezli said...

You are looking forward. . . we are looking back . . ."If I Could Save Time in a Bottle". . .one of my favorites by Jim Croce.

Sarah said...

I have no idea how you put so many of those feelings into this post so well. You really are a great writer, Summer. I completely understand and feel the same way... and if I were to try and write it in a post it would end up being so long and boring and I think most people would read it and be confused. You said it perfectly :)

Could your kids be any cuter?

CMC said...

I love hearing your tales from honest and beautiful and wonderful.

Elise said...

Well put mama! Hope I get to see you {and your sidekick} the next few days : D

Carrie Anne said...

thanks so much for posting this b/c the last few days i have been struggling with bee...she's basically alex but a few years older. she doesn't want hugs/kisses/or any type of affection-especially in public. often i feel like she doesn't need me & i get so frustrated with her independence. i feel like she was born tuning my voice out of her she never will listen to me EVER! but of course i'd have it no other way. she loves her daddy & i suppose that's what will keep her strong & choosing better things in life. i hope anyway! your post was very well written & captured so many of my feelings! thanks! i miss you!

Randy and Tiffany said...

my favorite part is that alex told you she was sick of you, lol. why does that make me laugh out loud? probably wont make me laugh out loud when madden says that to me one day :) its hard to put the emotions of motherhood into words....but you explain it so well...hard times, funny times, good times...all worth it though :) miss you and miss your dang cute kids! xoxo

B-Hams said...

Summer you are such a sweet mom, and you have wonderful children! I miss them! I hope you are doing well!

Lexie said...

Such a cute post and so fun to hear what they are all up to. I often feel the same way. There is so much I need to teach them and yet they are all so busy and wonderful and demanding and frustrating at the same time. Good thing that love goes a long way, huh? What a great mom you are.